It was just the New Moon, Chinese New Year, and inevitably there’s lots of Re-Birthing going around. It’s been such a great time to create new and more loving awareness for self, those around us, and our environment!

During this New Re-Birth & personal Moon Cycle, I declared it to be a time to embrace, accept, and love my dark, gray, and light sides for tantric “in-light-meant”! I am choosing to write about sacred dark intimacy. Be warned this is some dark stuff in need of light and witnessing, so please only read if you have the ability to receive heavy and dark topics of transformation without taking it personally, but rather taking it as “in-light-meant”.


“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” (Carl Jung, founder of analytical psychology).

Did you know that the only way you’re able to receive a full compliment of friendly gut bacteria, or intestinal flora, is if you are birthed vaginally? And our intestinal integrity and health comes from all the friendly flora living in our mother’s yoni?

If you are birthed vaginally, you are bathed in sweet, special flora, that divinely showed up just for you, before birth, as you pass through the birth canal from your mother’s vaginal secretions. (The healthier your mother is the healthier the microbial flora you get are).

If you are born into a supposedly anesthetized sterile surgical environment when your mother is cut open and you are extracted from her womb, your gut is populated with microbes from your mothers’ skin, that often include Staphylococcus! Evidence suggests that non vaginal birth affects the infants’ subsequent susceptibility to pathogens and a stronger likelihood of developing yeast infections, a wide range of neurological, psychological, and auto immune disorders, vaccine damage, autism, many other gastrointestinal problems and a loss of sexual appetite.

Believe it or not, health is sexy wealth and having healthy gut flora/bacteria inspires a balanced, happy, sane body and mind. Many people suffering from a whole range of symptoms and conditions caused by this, have no idea because this has been their experience since birth.

I happen to be one of those people who had no idea that I’ve been suffering from a mediocre gut flora environment since birth. The majority of my life, I have spent running 30-70 miles a week, training for nationals and to beat my own running records. During this time of endurance training, I was creating alot of endorphins, which are painkillers, and this was unconsciously obscuring my dark pain and inner conflict. It was as if I was taking elite performance level painkillers which enabled me to tolerate a whole range of symptoms for many many years. Placing nationally as a long distance runner, inflated my feelings of being accomplished which made it easier to distance myself from the turmoil and symptoms that were going on underneath all of this.


For the last 2 years, I’ve been experiencing daily headaches and have now been seeking treatment. Three weeks ago I found out I have an intestinal parasite. I learned that one of the many major symptoms is depression, something I’ve been battling for 13 years. Yes I said depression!

And just to be super clear I am not seeking sympathy or treatment from anyone other than the professionals I am currently under the supervision of. I am simply sharing my experience so I can educate and transform this illness and its source.

My commitment is to openly talk about depression because I believe the world could use transparent “dark” medicine and because I could use it too. Most importantly, tracing this intestinal problem back to its source, a c section, is the end product of disempowered sexuality at birth. Not to say c section is never right, but in the end what are the true consequences? Who is benefiting from this procedure? A health care provider? A hospital? I am super passionate about conscious and empowered sexuality including birth. An aspect of sexuality is procreation so why not be empowered and informed about all its consequences for the benefit of humanity.

I am realizing that part of my healing is about teaching “dark” intimacy and stigmatized taboo related topics that are difficult to talk about such as sex, menstruation, depression, and everything in between.

As far as I know, my parasites are probably some of the luckiest and tantric parasites on the earth paradise plane. They have in the last few years been eating some of the world’s finest organic, non gmo, fair trade, locally sourced foods and superfoods and traveling worldwide for free! It’s time that I cut my snobby free loading parasites for good!

I believe this darkness “in-light-meant” transformation will require bringing out the best medicine woman in me. After all, I’ve got a sexy tantric video to produce and many exquisite things to experience and share! So bring it on, depression and parasites! Tantric healing happens on multiple planes; energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I believe in order to transform and heal any area of significance, one has to tackle it from all angles.

That being said, I am taking several approaches to my healing by taking a probiotic that eradicates this parasite, taking herbs that help eliminate this type of parasite, seeing a GI tract specialist, asking my spirit everyday “What do I need to claim my own power and balance back?”, and for the first time ever, sharing with others about my dark side.

I’ve noticed that in order to become an expert in an area of significance to you, one must transform all aspects of self to be in alignment with that areas’ needs. Transformation needs to take place on an emotional, physical, mental and spiritual level, to be fully embodied.


New You Manifestation:

What is a specific area of my life that needs transformation/healing/support?

What are my needs in order to transform this on an Emotional? Physical? Spiritual? and Mental level?

On Valentines Day, I did one of the most terrifying things ever! I openly talked to a few friends about my inner turmoil that I’ve been dealing with for the last 13 years. A day I declared for more self awareness and love. I felt relieved and heard. The moment I shared my dark secret, I instantaneously felt the lifting of a dark cloud over me. This memorable experience inspired this letter.


I think it’s SO important to have safe spaces to talk about anything, dark, grey, and white. All colors, shades, and phases of life need love, nurturance, and acceptance in order to evolve and transform. One of the essential things for anyone practicing Tantra is becoming a safe space for themselves, and or their beloved, whether it’s temporarily or infinite. I invite you to be a safe space for yourself and others whenever it’s possible and safe for you!

I’m not sure why depression is something that isn’t openly talked about without the fear of judgment, hurting more, losing business, or becoming more depressed. I am letting go of any fear and jumping into the unknown!

This New Moon Love Letter Offer:

As I embrace my tantric “in-light-meant” and healing, I invite anyone who is interested in surrendering to their power by seeing the light and gifts in their dark, to join me in one of my favorite experiences in the world,Sensual Surrender Playshop for Women & my co-ed Masquerade Puja!! One of the million things I love about leading my Sensual Surrender Playshop & Dakini Domme Knight Masquerade is guiding women and men to create a safe and exquisite experience, in which they get to embrace, embody and celebrate their sexy, dark and intimate sides! The next Playshop is Sunday, May 3rd and I cannot wait!!  This year I have been getting a lot of requests for these events so registration in advanced is highly recommended to secure your spot!

Next Tuesday, March 3rd at 7pm (Pacific Time), I am doing an Intimate Introduction for these events. Please join me and invite anyone who may be interested!

Conference Call info:

Number 1-857-232-0158

Access Code: 726568

Get your sexy gut on beloveds!  <3!  Have a glorious week! <3!

<3,  iX-Chel

PS: Sign up to receive moonly breakthrough love letter to your inbox on my homepage!

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