Hi sweet beloveds!
“No matter how far away you run, pleasure is still on the other side of pain.”
This is officially my first moon inspired and related love letter to you! Thank you for receiving it. I commit to communicating with you at some point in the moon cycle when she inspires me the most to share.
When it’s new moon, it means we can’t see the moon because the sun and the moon are on the same side of the sky and there is only light shining on the dark side of the moon. All the potential she is about to inspire is there in the dark, even if it’s hidden from view.
Just a few days ago it was the New Moon in Aries! A time to deeply explore your courageous fire to create the exquisite life of your dreams, breath by breath.
Last night, while I was driving, there she was, the crescent moon. Her thin light of consciousness was breathtaking!! My heart jumped and skipped a beat into the frequency of my ecstatic bliss instantaneously. She inspired me to reflect on issues of courage that I’ve been facing, up to seeing her.
I asked myself, as I invite you to, what will it take to lead consciously and with new lit courage? What do you need? What would it look like to show up for yourself in a way that is authentically exquisite, inspiring and mutually serving for those you love the most? The seeds have already been planted and it will be time to reap the benefits of your courage as Spring unfolds!
As I inquire about my own courage, I am excited to share with you that I just returned home to LA from completing 10 days of Level 4 Tantra Yoga Teacher Training with Source Tantra Yoga, the oldest and most respected school of Tantra in the West. The decision to complete this training was a test of my deepest courage!
It was such an incredible and potent experience to fully drop into my intention of trust and community while I was at tantra camp. At the beginning of our training we were asked to share two intentions, trust and community is what I believe I need to call in the most, in order to dive deeper into my chosen tantric path of liberation, love, and expression.
Three days into a 10 day training, I was on the verge of running away from exploring the exquisite depths of my sacred sexuality, a pattern I’ve unconsciously inherited from the years of shame and guilt I grew up with, around my sexuality. Since I had my first orgasm at the age of 6 by climbing the side of a swing set, I had been without the support of a conscious community. The type of communal support that respects, honors, and cherishes the mysteries, power, and beauty, sacred sexuality has to offer, was absent before my sexual and spiritual awakening.
This time around, the struggle to stay or leave was different. I was faced for the first time in my life, with the opportunity of consciously, safely, and lovingly deepening the awareness of my power, connected to the mysteries of sexuality, with some of the most respected tantrickas and sex educators. It was an invite only training! In a temple for 10 days with 31 tantra leaders, I was the youngest woman. I felt like a little pup playing with the big dogs.
The excuse that was attempting to persuade me into running away from completing Level 4 teacher training, was ironically to finish my book proposal on the subject of running. An unconscious habit I’ve been more and more aware of has been to run away from the powerful wisdom that exists in the emotional and pleasurable body. Synchronistically, the subject of the book I’ve been writing for the last 2 years, is about the energy behind running free, consciously, and gracefully from the point of view of an elite runner and tantricka.
As a child I ran away from the depths and power of my pleasurable body. And running was literally what I did; I channeled all that sexual energy into becoming an extraordinary athlete and runner. I put all my energy into a platform that was safe and culturally accepted; long distance running. Before I knew it, I became a nationally ranked collegiate runner in the 10k and ran into a different kind of pleasure, being acknowledge for my competitive nature (no longer a pleasure today but rather an experience I enjoy for what it is). No matter how far away you run, pleasure is still on the other side of pain.
I had multiple conversations with several of my classmates and teachers about the possibility of abandoning tantra camp and inevitably disappointed a few with my wavering and uncertainty. Was I supposed to be there or running away to write about running?
Whether I would stay in the middle of the Redwoods or not, appeared to be a very difficult decision. I didn’t fully know how much time and energy I really needed to work on my tedious book proposal, while participating in an intense training, and then to be capable of submitting it only five days after the end of Level 4. Or was I unconsciously wanting to run away because I was confronted once again by the prospect of exploring the depths of my gifts, intimacy, and vulnerability, with some of the most conscious and courageous people I know. The decision wasn’t clear but one thing was. I wanted to stand in a courageous place of having it all and be in divine balance.
This time I didn’t run away.
I surrendered to my intention of having it all, through trust and community which led to a different kind of running; running the energy of pleasure, bliss, and exquisite wisdom! Once I made the decision to merge my two distinct habits of running energy by courageously surrendering, I had all the confirmation, clarity and community support to lead this exquisite life with more tools, inspiration, and bliss.
One of the things I love teaching my clients is to surrender. In that sweet place of surrender, I invite you, my beloveds, to temporarily let go of having to be in control. Whether it’s just a five minute mini feeling ritual, of relaxing into your orgasmic breath and body, by breathing in and out your intention, feeling it fully realized in your life on the inhale, and releasing it ecstatically without expectations with the exhale. *sighs* This could also simply look like a relaxing ritual after work such as taking a bath, or receiving a massage to drop into that open and expansive state of sweet surrender. It’s time more than ever to surrender into receiving these gifts my beloveds.
So back at tantra camp, I surrendered into my intention to trust in myself and my communities, but the testing still continued….
Could I really manifest having it all? A team supporting my greatness? A team helping the completion of my book proposal while I was away? A tantric family and community that sees, honors and appreciates qualities in me, that are mostly suppressed in the world because of taboos and repression; my unique gifts as a liberated awakened women, who has multiple full body orgasms throughout the day by simply being hyper aware of the subtle orgasmic breath within? And simultaneously back home, a team working on the creation and launch of my latest videos for Sensual Surrender Playshop/Dakini Domme Knight Masquearade Puja? I guess so … because here’s the latest video!!!:
Getting closer to the book proposal deadline and living fully, in the frequency of my intentions, has been and still is one of my biggest tests. I am consciously creating the exquisite life of my dreams and it starts by honoring the subtle feelings of what it would look like to have, be and do it all! The choice is now. The practice is here. The manifestation is happening right now.
I invite you to take a moment to ask yourself, “What would it look like to be a courageous leader in your life? Are you running away from your own unique, exquisite bliss, pleasure, and wisdom? If you are, where are you running to and from what? What do you need in your life, to lead an exquisite life with courage, passion, and abundance? Could it be community, trust, and faith in claiming that which you uniquely need?
The journey is still being unveiled, and I am so honored to be able to share this with you! As well as to share with you some of my upcoming events, that may inspire you to transform your life more rapidly and fully, into the exquisite life of your dreams!
Today, Thursday April 3rd at 7pm Pacific Time, I am hosting the first introduction for Sensual Surrender Playshop for Women on Google Hangouts. Here is the video for What is Sensual Surrender Playshop for Women (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGFozrRJeB4)? This event along with Dakini Domme Knight Masquerade Pujua is by far one my favorite events to teach and lead! If you wish to attend this intimate intro, send me an email at iX@Sandivel.com! If you can’t make this one, set your alarm now to make it to the next one on Thursday April 17th at 7pm Pacific Time. Make sure to find me on Google +, or send me an email to receive you invitation!
Tantra is a path and a lifestyle. It’s an ecstatic dance between the masculine and feminine energies. I am so thankful that my masculine energy grounded my hyper intuitive feminine energy, that at its core essence, believes andtrusts in the divine unfoldment! I am sharing this with you, from an open and courageous heart and hope to inspire you to claim your courage and bliss too!
It’s time to shine, radiant sweet beloveds! No matter how far away you run, pleasure is still on the other side of pain.
In Exquisite Bliss,